F.U.N. Giraffe Dies

A moment of silence please.

Today, my most favorite of captive animals, the "Fucked Up Neck Giraffe" (F.U.N. Giraffe) at the Santa Barbara Zoo died. I am actually very sad. I loved Fucked Up Neck Giraffe. He was my special friend. For one reason or other Mr. F.U.N. Giraffe was born with a strange birth defect which made his neck bend laterally at its midpoint, and then upwards again. To all of us growing up in Ventura and Santa Barbara Counties he was a local celebrity, and all that knew him loved him dearly. It is my greatest hope that he is peaceful in giraffe heaven with his own private chiropractor, or perhaps just with other fucked up neck giraffes (so that the hyenas can stop laughing at him).

So today, I invite everyone to pay tribute to our friend, the Fucked Up Neck Giraffe. Although no one could ever figure out how you swallowed your food or how your head didn't fall off, you inspired hundreds of visitors to ask "just what the fuck is wrong with that fucked up neck giraffe?" and many other visitors to constantly harass zoo keepers what was wrong with you, and why they didn't fix your fucked up neck.

That is, until they put up that sign that said "yes, we know his neck is fucked up."

And it was. But that was you. Fucked up. But it's ok. I'm fucked up too.

I just don't have a fucked up neck.

Thank you for being in my life Mr. Giraffe. I will always remember you as my fucked up friend.

-Crash Write