I was bored yesterday, so I decided to crawl up inside your vagina. Just crawled right up inside.
It was actually bigger than I thought, I mean I fit inside.
I don’t mean that like my dick small or anything, well I guess so, because I was small enough to fit inside, so I guess my dick would have to be small. Crazy. Only I don’t got enough to buy a fancy Mercedes or anything. Just a tiny dick in a big pussy. You dig?
So I was up in there marching, marching, moving, moving legs up and down, mincing midgets with my march when I saw this magic chode enter. I never thought I’d see one, but there it was. All nice and fat and round like. So I jumped up on that sucker and rode it like a cowboy, yeeeeee-haw, while it bounced, bounced, bounced like a Ping-Pong. Up to the top and back, up to the top and back.
“Now who’s dick was this?” I thought. Maybe in the past I wouldda known, but you know, it’s really hard to figure out these days. I mean it could have been Bill or Bobby, or that redheaded kid named Steve, like maybe on a cold day. Tuff to tell. But definitely not Jack. Jack come in and I would be up to your tonsils by now. But anyway, while I sat there a-woderin', I could feel it growing and expandin' and I knew it was about to blow. So I thought, this might be as good a time as any to go further adventuring, so I just nestled myself right up in that dick hole and set to waitin'. Wasn’t long. Not long at all till I feel the pressure buldin', and off I shot, right up like old faithful in your baby makin' apparatus. I was like a full grown human baby, only if you’da pushed me out then I wouldn’t a called ya mom. No way. Hey howdy. Momma’s a lady. You’re just a good recreation spot for spelunking. That’s right. I said it. An' I ain’t going to take it back.
But like I was saying, I was all up in there, and I started getting hungry. I looked around and wasn’t nothing up there for me to have. That is, until I saw your little eggies all sittin' all perfect like in some balls of mush. So I swam over and put my hand up your fallopian tubie things and got me a couple grade "A" freshies and sat to cookin' them up.
You must have felt that. Prolly thought it was some feminine problem bakin' up in ya, but no. It was just me cookin' up your eggs. I mean you got so many, it’d be selfish for you not to share a few. But I do apologize for the smoke coming out your vag. Although you may not have noticed if it’s a normal event.
Anyway, I cooked ‘em up and ate, and got to sittin' and thinkin’ and realized that I was pretty bored. Now I’m not much for shenanigans, but I just thought your life might need a little sprucing up. You know, maybe a little excitement. So what I did, and you’ll have to forgive me for this ‘cause I know that you prolly already know what I did, but I just crawled back down your cavern a bit and I set down and took off my pants. You know, just enough to let out my junk. Then, I set right there to rubbin' one out. But not totally, cause that would have destroyed the point. So I took out my peter piper and was rubbin' and rubbin' and darned if he didn’t expand to about the size of your whole cavern. Absolutely amazin'. So, like I was thinking, you see, it’s always the case that a dick goes into the vagamatasm, but how often you seen a dick come out of a vag!? And I don’t mean no baby dick, 'cause doctors see that every day, but a full grown daddy dick. Well, the proper response is “never.” So I pushed forward and pushed forward until my body was bent back in a little “U” like I was doing the limbo, and all the important parts of me was sticking out in all the important places of you.
Tee-hee. Tee-haa.
Well for the next, I didn’t much have a good view, being inside you and all, but boy I heard about it all later from the guys. Seems that good 'ol Jack was getting all hot and heavy with you after you’d been done with that magic chode fella. Taking off your top, your bottom, and I guess on this particular day, your panties. That’s right. Isn’t it? I always get confused on what to call those. I call them boxers, or briefs, or bloomers, but mine don’t have lace on them mostly. But back to 'ol Jack. He’d slipped off the top, the bottom and all the rest and was just about head level, getting God’s view of all your sinful parts, when out I pop. Almost popped him in the God-damn eye. One eyed Willy in his one eye. Oh boy, I think Jack just about shit his pants. First he is looking at a girl’s girlie parts then out I come inching out, out, out like gopher from its hole. Just about jumped out of his skin and ran out the door. Don’t expect he will be around too much anymore. But tell you what though, saved my fuckin' life. Like I said, Jack goin’ up inside you would have crushed me like a pile driver punchin' nails.
Yowza!
So right quick after I heard him yelling and screaming, I pulled back inside, so that by the time you looked back down, you didn’t know what happened. Just your plain private parts. I heard you crying and running round hysterical but it was just too much. I just swam back up inside where I knew you couldn’t hear me and laughed a good 'ol high pitched laugh, rolling around kickin' and screaming.
When I finally came to though, I started lookin' at my hands and arms.
Phooey! All pruny! But how was that?! I guess I’d stayed up inside you so long I looked like a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Plus, I hadn’t taken a breath in over a day, so I decided I needed one of those. Everyone needs a good dose of good ol' vitamin “O-2” every day. I learned that from TV. Lots of good stuff on TV. Well, I suppose I coulda just popped my head out and got a breath, but I thought you had just about been traumatized enough from the last outing that it might have been a bit too much. So I decided to make a break for it, and hope you weren’t wearing jeans or nothing. Hell, I thought, if I get out at just the right time you won’t even notice at all. Just needed the right amount of speed. Vaginal velocity I do believe those gynecologists call it. So I started swimming and swimming, building up speed, doing centripetal circles. Just kept goin’ tell I could feel my head spinning and the liquids rushin' by, and about that time I gave my arms an’ legs a good push. Just a good kick and a push and a shot out like a rocket.
Whoooo-ieeeeeee!
You must have been lying on your bed crying, 'cause I flew straight out the window and landed upside up in my truck.
Yeeeeeeehaaaaw!
Just landed and off I rode in the night back home.
I don’t think you noticed, but it was a quiet night so maybe you did. I apologize if ya did. Plus that whole Jack thing. Apologize to Jack for me too. I would have stayed and apologized to ya myself, but I had to get home. You know how pops is. Runs a tight ship. Keeps me under a close watch what with my adventuring and all, and’s always askin' ‘bout dreams this and dream that.
Actually, that’s kinda why I wanted to talk to you. See, I got these crazy dreams, but it would just worry good ol' pa too much to speak ‘em.
See just the other day, I dreamed I was an insurance salesman, and was selling policies and doin’ paperwork. I had a little desk, in a little cubicle with a big boss and a bigger stack of papers. I typed all day on a big grey computer, ate lunch in a grey lunch room, and went home to a small square cubicle. Then I did it again, committed the crimes all vulgar-like again with out a second thought.
Paperwork! Cubicle! Desk!
I know it’s disgusting an’ crude, but you know how it is, sometimes that subconscious things got a mind of its own.
Sorry about being so vulgar. I know that gets everything down talking about things like that, but sometimes I just got these filthy dreams that get so disturbin’ I got to get out of my skull so’s I don’t go crazy.
But I guess it’s jus’ a matter of pro-spec-tive.
Know what I mean?
-Crash Write
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